We recently held a competition for one lucky winner and their partner to go undercover as a mystery inspector at The Savoy in London! And part of the entry requirements was to write a poem in a sonnet style about running a B&B, guest house or small hotel.
Well, we had so many entries and the quality was exceptional! But we managed to agree on a winner, and are pleased to announce that Patricia Greenwood who owns Seaflowers in South Devon with her husband Anthony will be heading to world-famous Savoy.
So, here is her winning sonnet:
Shall I compare thee to a summer season
When all do run ragged for very good reason
What should a fair host do but tend
Upon hours and times of guests’ desired end
Good hosts doth help plan grand days out
Ensuring full pleasure wearing guests out
A goodly nights’ sleep for such all are keen
Afore full many a glorious morning we have seen
When guests doth break their fast on fresh daily bread
With sausages bacon and mushrooms ahead
On many an egg do guests depart leaving beds to make and all dust to banish
Yea rugs doth come up a fair treat with ‘Vanish’
Then cometh the winter of our discontent
When hosts lament and wonder where all the tourists went
But, the standard was incredible so here are our three runners up:
Sonnet 116: The Hotelier’s Lament
Let me not to the role of a hotelier
Admit impediments, (like dust behind the bed.) Hospitality is not hospitality
Which alters when it alteration finds, (I’m sorry Sir, I’m sure you did make a reservation.)
Or bends with that well known hotel review website to remove (naming no names.)
O no! It is a never-ending slog
That looks on restaurant critics and is never shaken;
We provide ale to every wand’ring rambler,
Our worth’s unknown, though every table be taken.
This game’s for no fool, though rosy noses and know-it-alls may tell us so
(No hot water in the shower Madam? Did you try turning it the other way?)
Our smile alters not with 85-hour weeks,
But bears it out, even to the edge of a birthday lunch for 76.
If this be a tax calculation error, and the mistake quite clear,
I’ll buy a Taverna instead; see you all in Skiathos next year.
Tumble Towers: B&B life
What is it I most fear? That’ll be fire,
Closely followed by seeing a rat.
What do I love? Oh yes, my tumble drier,
As for my wife? It’s got to be our cat!
My mission this morning was to clean bathroom tiles,
Before welcoming guests to their Edinburgh vacation.
Always aiming to please, sometimes going extra miles,
Such as running with luggage to Waverley Station.
Most days are good, a few are dire,
Routine, routine, an occassional blunder,
Like finding our cat in the tumble drier,
Then facing my wife, a face of thunder.
Oh what a crazy, wonderful life,
Me, our frizzy cat and my lovely wife.
Ty Haf at Tyglyn Lodge
“I like coffee, she likes tea.
Could you take the bags for me?”
Arrive quite tired and very stressed
Journey long, they got lost.
Tuck them in, and say goodnight
Breakfast order done – alright!
Good morning, folks – a good night’s sleep?
Oh yes, they say – no counting sheep.
(Even though they are in the field at the rear,
Not a baa or a bleat did they hear)
Best Full Welsh on their plates,
Plus toast, juice, lava bread oatcakes
Two days later, hugs goodbye
Smiles, relaxed, tanned – home and dry!!!
So congratulations to Patricia and Anthony from Seaflowers and we look forward to reading all about your investigation at The Savoy later this month.